Winding Roads
by just delete this account
Summary: You never really know what would lie at the end of the road you chose to take until you get there. And by then it'd be too late to regret. Alex/Sean from Hank's POV


Ok so, apropos to the inconsistencies of the X-men films, people have given me the argument that there are MANY possibilities that Sean going off to get married and having Siryn someday wouldn't happen. And I agree, because the details in the movies are so mismatched and whacked that goddamn, Sean and Siryn might even end up not related at all XDDD

HOWEVER, if there's a chance that he didn't, there's also a chance that he DID. Sorry guys . I want to believe that, BUT HOLD ON, before you accuse me of treason against the Havok/Banshee community, hear me out! I'd like to believe in a universe where Sean eventually leaves the institute to go off to university, get a job, get married and then come back to pay Charles a visit and enrol his mutant daughter to the school, BECAUSE…I believe Sean has ulterior motives for coming back :D

The universe holds a promising story line for a fic that I took the liberty of writing right here XD

Like I said in my 50 sentences fic, Sean could always ….well just read on XD there will be angst but I promise an ending without broken hearts…just fractured ones XD

PLEASE READ anyway even if you don't like seeing characters suffer, I can assure you it's worth checking out, this fic is inspired by Taeyang's "wedding dress" :) Enjoy!

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><p>It's been said that a brush with death could snap things in perspective with a resounding 'SNAP!'. It's been said that imminent death could make you see what you really want, realize truths that you've either been trying to deny or never knew existed within you.<p>

It happened to Sean.

But not to Alex.

…or at least the effect on him was delayed and was so, long enough for him to make a huge mistake.

See this was how things went down, point blank and blunt, and hey you can tell me all you want that I'm assuming things but trust me, I don't even need a degree form Harvard to know that I'm right. I was there okay? And I saw it, and if you ask anybody else who was, they'd tell you the same thing.

Sometime before we officially ended the Cuban missile crisis and consequently started the cold war between humans and mutants, the two hooked up. I suspected it but I had bigger things to worry about so I didn't really think about it until afterward, after Charles was discharged from the hospital. It was winter when he got out and he was still bed-ridden all the way til spring. On the last few weeks before the snow melted, on the last night snow fell over Manchester, I saw them. It was a good handful of degrees below zero and they were outside on the terrace, looking out over the grounds. I was just about to tell them to get inside before they got sick when Alex looked over at Sean.

No word of this is a lie and I repeat, I _know_ what I'm saying, this wasn't just an assumption.

The light from the lamp posts on the grounds illuminated Alex's face quite well and the way he looked at Sean… He never looked at anyone, doesn't at that point look at anyone and didn't ever since look at anyone else like that. It was…strange, moving almost, the kind of thing that made you feel like you should feel honoured to see it and it was so, so, so surprising coming from Alex that I stood back and hesitated, pressing my ear to the door to eavesdrop.

They were a fair distance away from the door and it was made out of pretty sturdy wood but still my hearing, like my appearance was already "enhanced" as I delicately put it, at that point and I heard loud and clear. They seem to have been in the middle of a conversation some time ago I assumed there was a huge lull in it because Sean said this.

"You know…whatever you're not saying to me, I think I'm thinking the same thing about you."

I blinked and pulled back to look at them, a dozen…well just _one_ really, theory going through my head. Sean turned to look at Alex and the angle he was at threw shadows over his face that made it hard for me to see his expression but I could still very well see Alex's and he still had on the same look on his face as before, only twice as strong. I could practically see the emotion radiating from his eyes. Sean reached over to grab his hand and I pressed my ear to the door again.

"I'm so glad you didn't die."

It was then that I was sure there was something between them. Charles knew it too, and as the scholarly types that we were, the curious nature we had compelled us to watch them closely and observe every facet of their unconventional relationship. I did it more than Charles I think, but whether that's because he didn't have to really observe seeing as he knew what was going on in their heads or I'm so morbidly curious because it was _Sean _and _Alex_ I didn't know and I still don't. But anyway, I digress.

Let me just jump to the chase. Why did I say what I did in the beginning? Well with what I saw and heard on the balcony and all the observations I made in the many months that followed as the four of us worked together to further sharpen our powers and find more mutants that need help, I've managed to piece it all together.

Sean and Alex's relationship must've started out as a mystery, a common, unperceivable thing that could be blamed on hormones that happened to teenage boys that neither party could figure out, or so they thought…perhaps it actually did happen that way, but whose to say? Anyway, the point is that whether it was insignificant at first or they just _thought_ it was, after we all stood with our necks on the line between the Americans and the Russians, what was between them was suddenly so much deeper than it was.

They both knew it, it was just that Sean embraced it but Alex denied it.

Which, in hindsight, was a supremely Alex thing to do, the jerk.

Yes, I'm saying it point blank and blunt, because that's how it was.

Alex Summers and Sean Cassidy were in love with each other. They actually were, and it just got worse as time wore on. However Alex was such a thick-headed ass (pardon my language, I know it's unbecoming for someone my age and status but I'm just telling it as it is) who was afraid of his feelings. I saw it in the way Alex always shied away, (to put it nicely, sometimes he was downright rude to Sean) whenever Sean attempted to hold his hand, lean on him or attempt to make some sort of contact with him whenever I or Charles are present. Sean just took it, I had the impression that he knew exactly what was going on, that Alex was having trouble coming to terms with reality and he was just standing by, thinking…hoping really, that Alex would eventually come around and accept the fact that he wanted Sean for more than… *cough* well, let's not get into some of the things I've umm… _heard_ them doing shall we?

Anyway, moving on, I admired Sean and pitied him at the same time, both for the same reason, and that was that he was very naively, stupidly in-love with Alex. He waited and waited, there was a point where I thought he'd wait forever because Alex was one stubborn son of a-…*cough*…stubborn kid.

However, well, you know what I mean when I say Sean was just human right? One can only wait for so long, 3 years in his case, until one realized that something just wasn't happening and give up.

I still remembered the day that he decided he was going to leave. Goodness, I've never wanted to punch Alex before, not even when he was constantly making fun of me back when we first met. That day, however, the second the words came out of Sean's mouth, I knew it was all Alex's fault and I had to remind myself this is their business not mine in order to restrain myself from punching him right in the face and hopefully knock some sense into his astonishingly thick skull.

I was with Charles, reconfiguring the speeds his wheeled chair was originally designed to have when Sean came in. The look on his face easily gave him away but still, Charles was surprised when he told him that he'd like Charles to help him get into college.

"I figured, the world doesn't need saving anymore and I'm pretty good with my powers…I kinda want to get my life back on track you know? But I don't know how, considering I got recruited by the government in my last year of high school before I graduated and I've been here for 3 years after that."

Was what he said, I looked over to Charles to see what he thought of it and immediately, the look on his face told me two things one: he just stole a peek in Sean's head and fully understood why he was leaving and two: he was willingly going to let him go.

Charles blinked at him once, sympathy and understanding shining in his eyes and nodded. "Of course, not to worry Sean, I'll be more than happy to help, your presence had been really important and wonderful here for the past years, it's the least I can do."

I wondered what Alex thought of it, or if he even knew Sean was leaving at all. And so, out of curiosity and my concern for Sean I decided to eavesdrop on them again on the night before Sean was supposed to leave.

The door to Alex's room was slightly ajar and the soft light of his bedside lamp spilled out into the hall. As carefully as I could, I crouched outside the door and took a peek inside. They were lying down side by side on Alex's bed and from the limited leeway of sight I could afford without being caught, I only saw their legs beneath Alex's messy covers. It didn't matter much though because I heard them loud and clear. There was only silence for about 10 minutes before Sean spoke in the most hesitant, tiny voice I've ever heard him use. It was so unlike him, it was unnerving.

"Please say it."

"Say what?" Alex's deep voice asked back.

There was a long pause before Sean exhaled a weary sigh and the rustling of sheets must've meant that he either sat up or moved away from Alex.

"This…_us_, what are we? Why are we… like this?"

Even through his silence I heard Alex's tension and my eyes narrowed when he denied what he knew as usual.

"…Isn't that obvious by now?"

"If it is then why can't you say it?"

There was a heavy sigh from Alex accompanied by rustling sheets.

"…What are you talking about?" a slight pause "What's gotten into you? You've been weird these past few weeks."

There was a pause that seemed to go on forever and in it, I sensed so much tension that was so clear and intense, it made my hair stand up.

"…I love you."

I heard Alex's breath hitch but other than that he said nothing and in that moment I felt so bad for Sean, holding my breath and hoping that, as unlikely as it may be, things would end well for once. Sean deserved it, for the past three years and for shamelessly holding out his damn_ soul_ right there in that moment for Alex to either take or throw to the ground and crush under his foot.

Alex's silence felt like it stretched on forever and if there was a midpoint to eternity, in it I closed my eyes and bowed my head, shaking it slowly from side to side, sensing Sean's imminent pain.

"What about you?" Sean asked, voice weak with a tiny, shaky note of desperation.

"…I…I don't know."

The silence that followed this time was so loud to me and I was sure it was to them too. The deafening sound of Sean's heart getting smashed into a thousand jagged pieces was unmistakeable.

Sean stood up afterward and I saw glimpses of him as he walked around the room picking up his clothes and putting them on. I didn't know what Alex was doing, probably nothing, it made me assume that this had happened before several times and Alex thought it was gonna blow over.

"I'm leaving."

I heard Alex jerk in surprise, obviously he wasn't expecting Sean to say that, confirming my 'this happened before to some degree' theory.

"What?"

Alex asked. So he didn't know. Apparently neither Sean nor Charles told him.

Sean exhaled a shaky sigh. "Tomorrow I'm going back to my parents' house, I asked the professor if he'd help me get into College and he said yes. I need to start planning for the future y'know? And I'm sure the three of you could manage without me. If anything, you could find another mutant to help you around here."

And before Alex could say anything, he began walking to the door. He did it so fast, I didn't have enough time to run off to the corner and hide. He practically slammed the door behind him and all but jumped out of his skin when he saw me there less than 2 feet away, like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes widened and in the light of the moon spilling through the window in the hall, I saw that they were shiny with supressed tears. Sean took several breaths, and his obvious attempt to keep it all in broke my heart. He nodded at me awkwardly and turned to leave but I grabbed him by the wrist.

He paused, head bowed, red hair hiding his face from view and I sighed, pulling him into a hug. He didn't say anything and I didn't either, just rubbed his back soothingly and dutifully ignored the warm droplet or two that soaked into my shirt.

The next day as Charles and I made our way to the front doors to see Sean off, as we turned the last corner, we saw Sean standing a step or two above the foot of the stairs. He had his shades on and his gaze was trained forward, on Alex who stood just in front of the doors that would lead Sean outside and forever away from this place. I paused immediately and Charles did too.

They began talking and I wanted so bad to be closer, to hear what they were saying, but doing that would entail them knowing about my presence and that would ensure that they'd stop. My eyes remained on Sean and Charles must've sensed my concern because then I felt his fingers on my wrist and the next thing I knew, I was hearing the words they were saying, right before they made it out of their lips.

_Don't go_ Alex was saying.

_Why?_ Sean challenged _…There's nothing left for me here_ he continued.

…_I don't want you to go_ Alex replied and the way he looked at Sean, it was the same as he did that night I saw them on the balcony. I was pretty sure Sean could see everything he wasn't saying in his eyes but it wasn't enough, not anymore.

_Then give me a reason why I shouldn't._

Alex opened his mouth and stumbled his way over trying to say something but eventually closed it. Sean's shoulders rose and fell heavily in a sigh and he walked down the steps toward Alex.

_Goodbye Alex. Take care of yourself_

Then was the time Charles thought it'd be best to let our presence be known and wheeled himself forward. Both Alex and Sean looked up at the sound of his wheeled chair moving and a smile broke out on Sean's face, erasing all previous traces of what just took place between him and Alex.

We wished Sean the best, he and Charles shared a parting handshake. I grasped his shoulder firmly, he smiled at me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I could swear I felt Alex burning holes through the back of my head. Finally when it was Alex's turn, Sean just nodded at him curtly and with another last nod to all of us, he turned and walked away, never to be seen by Xavier's school for gifted youngsters for a long, long time.

We didn't hear from Alex for a surprisingly short time though, it was only two years after we received the first piece of information from him, it came in the form of three invitations, cordially inviting us to the matrimonial union of Sean Cassidy and Maeve Rourke, his fiancé via arranged marriage.

Alex, who was slowly but surely sinking into a state of depression at that point, fell straight down to rock bottom like a puppet that got his strings cut. He barely spoke, barely ate, barely slept and he was constantly out, sometimes not coming back and almost always drunk whenever he did. On the night before Sean's wedding he got so smashed, I had to drag him in the shower and force him under the coldest setting to keep him from blasting the entire house to pieces.

He was a total and complete mess who was incapable of saying anything than half-finished sputters of random thoughts and it took him 5 minutes after the cold shower to start making any sense. To my horror, he started crying and I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. Alex, never ever needed any consoling even when he did, he always toughed it out and pulled himself together enough to make everyone think he wouldn't fall apart again.

"I lost him…I…I lost him." He mumbled over and over again.

I sighed and crouched down in front of him on the bathroom floor.

"No you didn't, barely, but I don't think you fully had."

Alex bowed his head. "I want him back Beast."

I glared at his drenched blond bangs. "Then fight for him. Harder than _he_ did for _you_."

Alex didn't say anything until the sun rose up and I left him alone for a bit to freshen up and when it was almost time to go, I got dressed, came back to check on him and watched him through the mirror as he slipped on his suit jacket. His eyes were still slightly red but I think they'd probably clear up before the ceremony.

Since he was sober now, I decided to talk to him. The words would sting more because he could fully process them, hopefully that'd finally knock the sense into him.

"I don't get why you're so…devastated by this. You have no right to blame him you know, if the situation were to really be looked at, in terms of blame and reality, when it comes down to it, it was 35 percent he left you and 65 percent you were stupid enough to let him go."

I thought Alex would yell at me, blast me to next century, punch me, at the very least glare at me. But to my surprise, he just fixed his collar and slipped on the bow tie that Charles pre-tied for him. He met my eyes through the mirror and the look in them was nothing short of lifeless, hopeless, _dead_, it was eerie to see on Alex.

"I know."

Before the ceremony, the three of us; Alex, Charles and I all got to talk to Sean for a bit. He and Alex didn't say a word to each other. But when Charles wheeled himself away to speak to Sean's parents, I stood back and watched as Alex offered Sean a half smile.

"Congratulations. Best wishes to you Sean."

_Sean_ he called him Sean, not ginger or carrot top or freckles or any of the other names he used to call him that always sounded more endearing than his name whenever Alex called him by them.

The front Sean put up was very impressive but I saw the slight twist in his lips before he smiled back and shook the hand that Alex offered after making his congratulations.

"Thanks."

And just like that he was gone, after he left, I walked up to stand next to Alex and without looking at him, I said

"That's it? Wow, never pegged you for a quitter _Havok_."

I heard the bitter smirk in Alex's scoff. "I've hurt him enough. Not happening ever again."

The ceremony happened in Sean's house and I spent most of it hidden inside considering most of the guests are either not aware of mutants or are prejudiced against mutants and I didn't want to scare anyone away. After the actual wedding, I waited to pull Sean aside and give him a half-hearted congratulations. He seemed fine, so, since I couldn't join him and everyone else for the reception anyway, I left early.

Charles came back to the school alone that night and in the morning we woke up to find Alex asleep in the tunnel he always used to train in. He was sober but the walls were covered in scorch marks and the smoke in the tunnel was so thick, it was a wonder why he didn't suffocate to death…or get burned by the trails of flames licking at the ceiling and the floor.

Alex was…different since then, he was still depressed but not like how he was before. And honestly, I think I preferred him when he was all angry, upset and drunk. He was eating, he was sleeping but, it wasn't like he was alive, he only spoke to people when he had to and he was always locked up in his room or somewhere else where no one could find him.

Sean never came back to the school, not even to visit and we rarely heard from him, being in college and trying to start a family and all.

Years passed, eleven to be exact, Alex slowly, slowly got back to normal, but there was something that was still off about him. Charles and I thought he'd never be the same, until that day…when Theresa Casssidy came to the school with her father. It was the first time ever since he left that Sean set foot in the school again and at that point, I'd already left the school 7 years prior, was already into politics and have been dropping by for monthly visits every now and then. It just so happened that I was on one of my visits when Sean decided to come with Theresa.

I'm not going easy on Alex at this point, no, he was still a thick-headed moron to me but still, I cannot lie when I said I was surprised and moved by the look on Alex's face when he saw Sean again. I can't describe it clearly so that you'd fully understand what it looked like. The only thing I could probably say to convey what I saw, is that I saw 11 years' worth of heartache, pain and longing. As I watched him stand there, looking at Sean with his daughter by his side, I realized that Alex actually, really, truly did love him and though I still held him responsible, I felt sympathy for Alex.

Charles was delighted to see Sean and to have the three of us there with him again just like old times, so he insisted that Sean spend the night. Sean refused initially but Charles was getting old and sitting in a wheeled chair, even without his charms and extreme generosity, it would've been impossible to refuse him. So, albeit reluctantly, Sean agreed "for old times' sake."

And also, like old times, although it was acutely unbecoming for someone my age, I ended up willingly eavesdropping on them again that night, though in my defense, I hadn't intended to at first. Fate always seemed to want me there whenever something of significance happened with those two. I was merely on my way down, in the middle of the night to get a glass of water from the kitchen. Practically all of the house was asleep and I really had no clue that anyone, much less Alex and Sean would be in the kitchen. I heard them when I was only a few feet away from the entryway when I heard them talking and immediately pressed my back against the wall.

"So, how's the wife?" I heard Alex ask.

"She's great, busy, that's why she didn't go with me to drop Thea off today."

Alex 'hmph'-ed "Cute nickname, she's a pretty kid, unfortunate enough to get every bit of your ginger-ness but at least she has her mom's face."

Sean laughed and a silence descended over the two of them for a bit.

Then Alex surprised me by being straight-forward now when it was already way too late.

"Why did you walk away…", Alex paused and knowing him for so long allowed me to hear the silent _from me?_ attached to his sentence. "all those years ago?" there was a very long pause before Sean answered.

"You can't walk away when there's nothing to walk away from. You made it perfectly clear that there wasn't."

It was very soft, but my hearing allowed me to pick up the small sound of frustration that Alex made.

"That's not a good enough answer after 11 years."

"Then what is?"

"…you said you loved me."

Another very long pause followed that Sean eventually ended with a heavy sigh. "I did. You didn't, it was that simple Alex."

I heard Alex bang his fist on the table, 11 years of suffering finally making him _do_ something for once.

"I-"

"I gave myself a choice, I knew only the extreme would get anything out of you. I was going to leave, if you followed me, you loved me…then I would've come back, if you didn't…then you don't and I'd never come back. And Alex, you didn't."

Alex took a deep breath and expelled it in the form of a heavy sigh.

"I didn't think you wanted me to."

Sean scoffed out a laugh. "…doesn't matter now does it?"

The sound of a glass being knocked over and Sean's surprised yelp made me jump and keeping low to the floor, I slowly leaned out to take a peek at what was happening. Alex was leaning over the table and was holding Sean with both hands on the collar of his shirt.

"Yes it does." He said gruffly before roughly smashing his mouth against Sean's.

I immediately pulled back and winced when I heard a chair get knocked over, Sean probably pushed Alex away.

"What the hell Alex? Sean asked, voice shaky.

"I love you."

Sean made a pained noise and I frowned, realizing that Alex wasn't the only one who's been suffering for the past 11 years.

"I know you're going to tell me it doesn't matter now, it's too late but I don't care. I know it's not. You can try to tell me all you want that it is but I can see it in your eyes, I still know you almost as much as you know yourself."

"…you still love me too. Don't you?"

There was no answer from Sean and I felt mixed emotions, thinking back to the sweet little girl I just met a few hours ago and torn between what to think over the fact that her father couldn't deny Alex's statement.

"I know you do, that gives me a shot and as long as I have it, I'm not going to back down. I've been doing that for the past fucking decade! I'm tired of running, to damn, fucking hell with it all."

I heard footsteps down the hall the same time I heard the sound of frantic and unrestrained kissing and I immediately took off, leading a wayward student away from the kitchen and back to the dorms before they stumbled upon something they really shouldn't. I didn't manage to get much sleep that night, thinking of what I just heard. I didn't know how it would end ultimately and to be completely honest I'm not sure how it _should_ end anymore. Admittedly, Sean and Alex both deserved to be happy but 11 years ago they chose to end their stories differently, putting themselves in a position where they couldn't restart it without destroying someone else's.

I spent most of the night thinking about Sean's wife and daughter and in the morning, I came down to breakfast to find out that Sean was already gone. I didn't know what happened but a week later, Alex left with a suitcase in hand and left a note for me saying

_I'm fighting Beast._

2 hours before Charles got a call from Maeve Cassidy asking him if he knew why Sean suddenly decided to fly to Ireland to visit his parents.

Charles and I hadn't a clue as to exactly what was going on but I had a pretty good idea as to why and had a hard time keeping a clear conscience when about 2 months later, Maeve came to the school in tears to inform Theresa that her daddy just filed a divorce.

I wanted to tell them, they deserved to know. But this is their business not mine, and unless the situation gets so bad that intervention in my part is an absolute must, I shall hold back and keep all that I've written down in this journal to myself.

Sincerely, Hank McCoy

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><p>Anyone else noticed that older Hank in X-Men The Last Stand, has slight a british accent and talks very, very formally? XD<p>

Anyway…so?...what do you think?

Leave me a review ^^ and I promise a silly, funny, light-hearted fic next time XD

Oh and check out the pic I edited for this story, I put the link in my profile :)


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